What’s the secret to positive aging?

I recently walked into my favorite Boba shop to meet a friend. As I looked around I noticed that everyone seemed to be under the age of 30. I said to my friend “Every time I come to this Boba place I feel old,” which was replied by “You are old!” I wanted to smack my friend, but I know it was said jokingly.

I have always had a bad relationship with aging. In my late thirties I would pull out every gray hair I could find worrying that it would make me look older. In my early forties I started scrutinizing my wrinkles like they were an enemy I needed to defeat. I realized that so much of my self-worth was depending on my beauty and I didn’t want to succumb to the pressure of plastic surgery. I always admired the grace and beauty of older French women who wear their age as a token of honor and not as a burden.

At one of my last jobs, working as an Activities Coordinator, I had the wonderful and humbling experience working with seniors. I noticed that some seniors were better agers than others, which made me wonder why. I embarked on a quest to find the secret to Positive Aging.

First, I wanted to hear about the different perspectives on positive aging from my friends and family. Here are some of their answers:

JoAnn: “Being natural, staying active, traveling, having a fulfilling social life, faith, meaningful activities.”

Brian: “Finding yourself, keep growing, mobility, stop caring too much.”

Karla: “Gaining knowledge and wisdom, maintaining relationships, staying positive, being in nature.”

Scott: “Accepting the things we cannot change, not dwelling on the things that we have lost, being active.”  

 I love all of these answers!

Here is my perspective on Positive Aging.

• Building and Maintaining Meaningful Relationships.

If you think about meaningful relationships what would be important to you?

Personally, I value people who take the time to get to know me on a deeper level. I appreciate my friends who support me, believe in me, and accept me the way I am. Meaningful relationships go beyond what we can see on the surface; they have depth, you feel safe being with that person, you can be vulnerable without the fear of judgment……you know they will laugh at your dumb jokes ; )

• Acceptance

Accepting what we cannot change can sometimes be difficult because we either mourn what we have lost (for me, I had to give up running in my mid-thirties due to bad hips, which left me yearning for the adrenal high I used to get) or we want what we can’t have (I’m still dreaming about the Beach Condo on the Mediterranean ocean). Practicing acceptance will help us age more gracefully because it will be easier to deal with the downsides of aging (like less mobility or energy). My experience working with seniors showed me that those who practice gratitude find more meaning and purpose during the last chapter in their lives.

• Healthy Diet/Balanced Lifestyle

I’m obsessed with researching the Secrets of the Blue Zones, which are areas in the world that have a high number of centenarians. It’s not that I want to live to a 100 (sounds daunting!); it’s more about the quality of life than the life span. I don’t advocate for any radical lifestyles or diets (Unless you are a saint, you can probably not give up the pleasures of eating delicious, but unhealthy, foods forever). A balanced lifestyle should not deprive you of any pleasures; it should give you the permission to indulge every once in a while, knowing that you are still practicing healthy habits. A balanced lifestyle should be about nourishing your physical, mental, emotional, social and spiritual needs.

•    Activities and Hobbies that bring you Joy

One of the reasons why I loved my job as an Activities Coordinator was observing the smiles of the seniors during the activities. Some of them refused to come to the activities, due to depression or anger being stuck in a senior home, but once I would convince them to attend the classes their faces would light up with joy. As humans, we need to feed our creative brains, we need to connect with others, we need to be challenged intellectually, we need to be silly and do fun things. When was the last time you did something fun that made you feel like a kid again? Laughter is definitely the best medicine; do something fun today, even if it’s just watching adorable dog, cat or baby videos on social media.

•   Exploring

When my daughter was young she loved to watch “Dora the Explorer.” Her face was glued to the TV with wonder and curiosity. A curiosity that we often lose as grown-ups, which is quite understandable with all the problems we face. The reason why exploring is so important is because it feeds our inner child, it breaks up the monotony of our daily chores, it broadens our intellect, and gives us something exciting to look forward to.

Exploring can be anything that you have an interest in, sparks your creativity or awakens your curiosity. Some of my favorite ways to explore are: traveling, visiting museums, new friendships, new hobbies, new coffee shops (one of my favorite), watching documentaries, small talk with the person next to you on a plane (I met some really interesting people on my solo flights), finding ways to spice up my romantic relationship, discovering a new passion/talent, going for a walk in nature, etc.

•   Meaning and Purpose

One of the reasons why Japanese people live longer is that they have a philosophy called IKIGAI, which is “a reason to live, a direction or purpose in life, a sense of fulfillment and meaning. IKIGAI can be a lifestyle, a daily ritual, or a way of cultivating one’s inner potential. It is a higher level of aspiration.”

Unfortunately, in our Western Society elderly people often live alone or they end up in a Senior living facility, which can make them feel worthless. Also, being empty nesters, retirement or working a boring 9-5 job can diminish our sense of meaning and purpose.

I know from my own experience that a lack of purpose is detrimental to our mental health, which is why I try to find ways to create meaning and purpose in my life; such as writing my blog, focusing on deepening my relationships with friends and family, trying to make this world a better place, listening without being judgmental, smiling at a stranger or coworker (sometimes a warm and genuine smile can make someone’s day) , and sharing my positive vibes : )

What is your IKIGAI?

At the end of the day, there is no Secret to Positive Aging. It is how you define what the last chapter in your life should look like, what you need to do to have a fulfilling life, what you are willing to invest to have the quality of life you envision to have, and how much you love yourself to realize that you can make this world more beautiful at any age.

“Age is an issue of mind over matter; if you don’t mind it doesn’t matter!” (Mark Twain)