What is self-love?
When you look in the mirror, what do you see? Do you pay more attention to the things you don’t like about yourself? I believe a lot of people are like me. When I have a good day I’m able to ignore the things I don’t like about myself and shift my focus on the things I like, but when I have a bad day I seem to look at myself through a lens of harsh criticism.
Where did the concept of Self-Love come from?
According to history, Self-Love has not always had a positive connotation.
Buddha (c.563-483) believed that the desires of the Self are at the root of all evil.
Confucius (551-479 BC) valued Society over the Self.
The Christian monk Evagrius (345-399) believed excessive Self-Love was a major Sin.
Self-Love was first promoted by the Beat Generation (1950s) and the Hippie Era (1960s) to promote positive energy after World War II and the arising of environmental issues.
Also, the second wave of the Feminism Movement promoted Self-Love as a way of empowerment and a cry for equality.
When we talk about Self-Love, what does it really mean?
Here are my thoughts on it:
1. Self-Acceptance
This is a concept that I emphasize a lot in my blog posts, which has been essential to my own mental health. Without self-acceptance it can be difficult to maintain your self-esteem and self-worth, especially when you experience painful situations, such as abandonment (my mom abandonment me when I was 7 years old, which left me believing that I was un-loveable), harsh criticism, a romantic love rejection, you didn’t land that dream job, or you were bullied as a child. You don’t have to accept everything about yourself (you can still work on that desire of transforming your Buddha belly into a six-pack) but it’s important to accept the things that we cannot change. Even if we can change what we don’t like about ourselves, we still have to evaluate if the effort is worth the benefit. Hint, do you really want to exercise every day and starve yourself to get that six-pack? I know, eating pizza and binge-watching Netflix sounds better right now ; )
2. Patience
If I could invent a pill that would magically instill more patience in us, I would be a billionaire right now living on my yacht sipping a Pina Colada : )
When I talk about patience I don’t mean patience for others (that is important as well!), but I’m referring to patience for yourself; the patience to trust your journey. I have to admit I’m not a very patient person. I want what I want now, which is normal in our “instant gratification” society. Patience is very important because life doesn’t always unfold the way we envision. Most of the time the work we put in doesn’t manifest right away, which can be very frustrating. If we don’t see the results right away, or maybe never, we have to remind ourselves that it’s more about the journey than the goal itself.
3. Self-Respect/Well-Being
The reason why I emphasize self-respect is that without it we tend to do stupid things, we let other people treat us badly, we don’t take care of our body and mind (self-care), and we don’t treat ourselves with compassion and kindness. I had to learn self-respect the hard way, after experiencing toxic and dysfunctional relationships. Self-respect encompasses many facets, such as mind, body, spirituality, lifestyle, friendships, romantic relationships, etc. When we have self-respect, we don’t do things that will jeopardize our mental, emotional and physical health, but it has to be practiced every day, just like gratitude.
4. Self-Actualization
Abraham Maslow didn’t come up with his “Hierarchy of Needs” for no reason. When I was a young single mom all I could think about is coming up with the money to put food on the table and gas in my car. I didn’t have the time or the privilege to think about self-actualization. Why is Self-Actualization so important? First off, we all have the potential to do great things that not only boost our self-esteem but also make a positive impact in this world. Also, people who feel more fulfilled in life are usually happier and have healthier relationships with others. A healthy self-esteem boosts positive emotions, such as empathy, gratitude, mindfulness, compassion, and self-love.
Lastly, with self-actualization comes personal growth and wisdom : )
5. Self-Forgiveness
I’m sure most of us have done things that we regret or feel bad about. Some of the bad things that I have done still linger at the back of my mind. Unfortunately, I don’t have a time machine to fix my mistakes, but I can choose to forgive myself. Living with regret, shame or guilt can be a heavy burden to bear. It’s difficult to move forward when you carry a giant bag of negative or toxic emotions. Let that shit go (excuse my language)!
Forgive yourself for being human because none of us is perfect; well, Perfectionism is overrated anyway!
Sometimes, the mistakes we make transform us into better people.
Now, you can come up with your own definition of Self-Love.
To me Self-Love is buying myself flowers, taking the time to do the things I love to do (like writing my blog), meditating underneath a tree, getting massages, daydreaming about adventures, hanging out with friends who make me feel good, and buying myself that delicious, sweet (maybe not good for me), Pumpkin Spice Latte : )
