The happiness illusion
Did you ever wonder why some people who seem to have the perfect life (they have money, success, good looks) are not happy? I certainly did because as humans we tend to compare ourselves to other people. The quest for happiness is the ultimate human endeavor. Hundreds of books have been written on how to achieve happiness and I have read my share of them, but I never understood how to achieve true happiness. I believed happiness was contingent on our accomplishments, finding the perfect partner, living in a beautiful place, following our dreams, being young, beautiful and skinny, and being loved and accepted by others. I was curious to know how other people define happiness and I asked five friends what happiness means to them. I received a lot of similar answers, but also answers that were unique to the person’s personality. The most common answers were peace of mind, health, to love and to be loved, success, money, finding balance, feeling confident and brave, freedom, life goals, and inner peace. I loved all of the answers, but I saw a problem with it; can we still be happy if we don’t have good health, achieve our goals, find our soul mate, or earn a lot of money? From my own experience, chasing after happiness is more like a drug addict chasing after the next high. We believe once we have reached a goal it will make us very happy, when in reality it only makes us feel sad after the initial high of reaching the goal has worn off.
When I pursued my dream of studying psychology I believed receiving my diploma would be the ultimate happiness factor. I pictured myself walking on stage, with a big smile on my face, receiving the diploma while my family cheered on in the background. Well, it did happen exactly as I imagined but the happiness factor only lasted for a short time. I realized receiving my diploma did not make me happier then I was before. So, naturally I was looking for the next happiness high. I believed receiving a master’s degree would be more prestige and special than a bachelor’s degree; surely it should make me happier. One of the best, and the worst, things that happened to me was being unemployed for five months. Watching Netflix can be fun for a while, but it doesn’t make you happy. So, here I was sitting on my couch, feeling bad about myself, and nothing to be happy about; no career, no money, lots of student debts, no goals, and no confidence in myself. What is the purpose of life if you can’t achieve happiness? My husband thinks I’m obsessed with Pinterest, but I get a lot of inspiration from people who have overcome or managed to live with difficult situations. I read a quote that changed my outlook on happiness, which is “A secret to happiness is letting every situation be what it is, instead of what you think it should be.” Thank you to the person who came up with this quote; it helped me overcome my life-long obsession achieving true happiness. I realized happiness is a state of mind that, even though it’s fragile, can be changed by letting go of unrealistic expectations and embracing life for what it is; complicated, exciting, painful, beautiful, adventurous, disappointing, challenging, fun, and sad. I no longer expect my achievements or people to make me happy. I do believe that pursuing goals will enrich anybody’s life, but these goals should be about creating meaning and not happiness.
