The Pros and Cons of Being Nice.

“Being nice does not come out of goodness or high morals. It comes out of fear displeasing others and receiving their disapproval” (by Dr. Aziz Gazipura)

Do you consider yourself a nice person?

As long as I can remember I’ve always been a nice person. My friends would tell me that I’m too nice, which baffled me because I thought being nice is a good thing.

I had to dive deeper into this topic, not only to prove my friends wrong (I like being nice!) but also to better understand why being nice could be a bad thing.

Just like there are two sides of a coin, there are two sides of being nice.

Let’s take a look at the Pros and Cons of being nice and then you can come up with your conclusion……to my surprise, I came up with more Cons than Pros but don’t let that deter you from being a “genuinely” nice person.

The Cons of being a Nice Person:

• You constantly consider other peoples’ feelings without acknowledging your feelings.

Yep, that’s definitely me. Do you walk on eggshells to keep harmony in relationships/friendships? If you don’t acknowledge and voice your feelings it can turn into resentment. Living with resentment is toxic for a relationship. If you bottle up your feelings, you know exactly what’s going to happen; they will explode like shaking a soda can.

• You give other people the power to take advantage of you.

Being taken advantage of comes in many forms. Oftentimes, we don’t even realize that someone is taking advantage of us because we want to believe that people have good intentions. Are we naïve to believe that other people care as much about us as we do about them? It’s ok to believe that people are inherently good but always make sure that the ball is in your court; that way you feel empowered to make decisions based on what is right for you.

• You sacrifice your own needs.

It is all too common, especially for women, to sacrifice our needs to be accepted, liked, or loved. Unfortunately, society dictates gender roles. Women are expected to be nice and sacrifice their own needs for the sake of their children and family.

I call that bullshit!....excuse my language. Surrendering your own needs to conform to other peoples’ expectations, or out of desire to be liked, is detrimental to your mental and physical health. You are the only person who knows what is good for you. Prioritize your needs and don’t feel guilty!

•  Your self-worth relies on the approval of others.

 Being nice all the time should not be the prerequisite for getting approval from other people. It’s exhausting being nice all the time. Give yourself permission to have moments (or hours) of selfishness without needing to say or do something nice.

You’ll be surprised how much people appreciate your honesty if you don’t always hide your feelings behind your “nice persona.”

Your self-worth should only be dependent on how you feel about yourself and not on how people perceive you.

•  Ending toxic relationships/friendships is difficult for nice people.

I can’t tell you how often I remained in a toxic or unhappy relationship because I didn’t want to hurt someone’s feelings. I wished I would have been more courageous back then. It would have prevented me from being miserable for a long time. Life is too short to sacrifice your happiness to prevent hurting other people’s feelings. They will get over it….and who cares if they are mad at you!

•  You are not being your authentic self.

Conforming to other peoples’ expectations means that you are not true to yourself. It’s like going to a masquerade ball pretending to be someone else. If we hide our true self from the world we deprive ourselves of living out our true potential. Let your inner light shine and embrace your authentic self.

The Pros of being a Nice Person:

• You can make someone’s day by being nice.

This is my favorite reason why I’m a nice person. I believe there is nothing more rewarding, besides finding a flattering pair of jeans for 80% off : ), than putting a smile on someone else’s face. You never know if someone is having a bad day. Your act of kindness can lift them out of their sadness, make them feel loved, or reduce their stress/anxiety/depression.

• Being nice can make you feel better about yourself.

OK, this is purely a selfish reason to be nice but there is nothing wrong with it. Nobody is immune to sadness, feeling defeated by life, or simply lacking happiness. When I find myself stuck in a dark cave I go out of my way to do or say something nice for a friend or even a stranger. This can create a ripple effect, which makes this world a more compassionate place.

• You can avoid hurting someone’s feelings or damaging their self-esteem.

 I like to be honest as much as possible, but you have to ask yourself if honesty will benefit that person or hurt their feelings. If someone is overly sensitive and has a low sense of self-esteem, being nice might be the only way to go.

Now, that I explored some of the pros and cons of being nice, how can we be nice without losing ourselves?

·      Healthy boundaries.

·     Does everyone deserve your kindness?

·      Don’t feel selfish taking your feelings and needs into consideration = SELF-LOVE

·      Embrace your darker side (your desires, your weaknesses, your true self that you hide from the world, etc.). Embracing your dark side can be liberating.....AND you can still be nice!

·      Be nice because it makes you feel good and NOT because you want approval or love from other people.

·      Ending a toxic relationship is the nicest thing you can do for yourself!

“You can be the ripest and juiciest peach in the world, and there is still someone who hates peaches”     (by Dita Von Teese)