Was 2023 everything you wanted it to be? If you are like most people you broke your New Years’ Resolutions faster than it took you to put them on your Vision Board (I love Vision Boards). If you didn’t accomplish any of your goals, please don’t be too hard on yourself. Goals are important but only if you don’t hate the effort trying to accomplish your goals. Ultimately, goals should help you become a better version of yourself, otherwise you are probably wasting your time.

The end of the year can be full of highs (Christmas cookies….yum) and lows (stepping on the scale….yikes!).

For me the end of the year is a time for self-reflection. I think about everything that I have accomplished or didn’t accomplish yet, the lessons I’ve learned, the people who made a positive impact in my life, and my personal self-growth. Iyanla Vanzant once said: “The journey into self-love and self-acceptance must begin with self-examination…until you take the journey of self-reflection it’s almost impossible to grow or learn in life.”

Here are some of the lessons I have learned in 2023.

• Don’t expect from other people what they cannot give you.

I have been fighting with this one for too long. It has caused me disappointment, frustration, and the end of relationships.

Holding people to a certain standard is a recipe for disaster because it is not their own standard, which makes it easy for them to disappoint you. So, right now I’m only expecting you to read my blog and write me a three-page self-reflection essay about it…..lol….just kidding ; )

• You cannot expect other people to make you feel good.

It’s like expecting the sun to shine every day. If you are happy with yourself, you will have better relationships. Also, if someone wants to dump their bad mojo onto you it won’t drag you down. As a highly sensitive person, this has always been a source of grief for me, but I’m learning to let it go.

•   If you don’t believe in yourself your chance to fail is so much higher.

Even if you have a great idea or a unique talent, without believing that you can achieve your goals or dreams you will either self-sabotage yourself or not put the effort into reaching your goal.

• The first thoughts that pop up in your head when you wake up in the morning will likely determine the rest of your day.

I’m sure I’m not the only one who, sometimes, wakes up grumpy in the morning not knowing why I’m in a bad mood. When I’m starting out my day with negative thoughts it attracts bad things to happen, which makes my day progressively worse. I blame the world for the bad things that happened to me, instead of taking accountability for how I react to it. Now, I challenge myself to start my day with a positive mindset. A positive mindset might not guarantee that you will have an awesome day but at least you can weather any obstacles life might throw in your way.

•  It’s ok to give up on your goals or dreams.

If it causes you more pain and frustration to pursue your goals/dreams than the outcome will bring you joy than, most likely, it’s not worth pursuing them. At the end of the day, the journey is more important than the destination, but don’t stop dreaming; sometimes you have to give up on one dream for another one to crystalize!

• I’m exactly where I need to be right now….

Even if I would rather be lounging next to the infinity pool overlooking the shores of Hawaii and sipping on my Mai Tai, I know that the Universe has a plan for me. I just need to be patient and trust the journey.

• Put yourself first, even if it feels selfish to do so.

I used to be a people pleaser because I was worried to upset the people I care about, but ultimately it left me with resentment because I felt guilty doing the things that bring me joy. If you don’t fill your spirit, mind and soul with activities and things you love you will not be true to yourself. Also, how can you be there for other people if your tank is empty?

• Don’t try to find answers for everything. Let things be for what they are.

If you have an inquisitive mind like mine it can be a blessing and a curse. I’m like the annoying kid who asks “why?” a hundred times a day, not resting until I find an answer that seems to make sense in my mind. Ultimately, I’m just torturing myself trying to find answers to questions that might be better left unanswered. Answers do not always provide clarity and comfort!

•  The only person you should compare yourself to is the person you were yesterday.

You are not trying to compete with other people or live someone else’s life. Would I love to have Bill Gate’s Beach House in Del Mar? Absolutely yes : ) …….in my fantasies I’m throwing big parties for my friends there, but realistically I know it wouldn’t guarantee happiness.  The only thing that’s important is that you are living according to your own standards and values. Are you the person you really want to be? If not, what can you do better today or tomorrow than what you did yesterday?

•  A flexible mindset can help you overcome many obstacles.

The difference between successful people and the ones who get stuck in a hole of self-pity is a flexible mindset. I was the queen of self-pity, constantly blaming the universe for my misfortunes and lack of success. I had to work really hard to overcome my rigid mindset. A flexible mindset helps me see solutions or opportunities when obstacles are present.

• Self-Love is an important ingredient to Self-Esteem and Self-Worth.

Self-Love is a catalyst for Self-Care, Self-Acceptance, and Self-Development. Self-Love can help you feel worthy to live the life you imagine and to be treated by others the way you deserve to be treated. Also, Self-Love radiates outward and attracts like-minded people.

I challenge you to come up with 10 things you love about yourself. I know it’s not easy.

•  Without Self-Reflection there is no Self-Growth.

Take the time to think about the lesson’s life throws at you otherwise it will be like reading a book without understanding the plot or the message.

• We tend to ignore our Intuition because our Rational Mind wants to dominate.

I never thought intuition was important because I trusted my rational mind to make the right decisions; boy, was I wrong! Intuition can be like a divine or spiritual compass that will guide you where you need to be as long as you pay attention to it.

• Sometimes our fear of making the wrong decision can keep us from discovering our true potentials.

How does a child know what he or she can or cannot do? It’s simple, they don’t give it much thought. What gets grown-ups in trouble is our perpetual need to overthink and overanalyze everything we desire, we want to achieve, or we dream of.

If you don’t take the leap into the unknown, you will never know if it was the best decision you ever made.

• You cannot change your Life without changing your Attitude.

Earl Nightingale once said: “A great attitude is not the result of success; success is the result of a great attitude.” Your attitude determines so many things; if people like you or not, if you will be able to reach your goals and fulfill your dreams, and how you deal with setbacks. If you want to change your life for the better change your attitude first. 

I hope some of the lessons I have learned, often the hard way, will help you live the life you imagine.

Have a happy, prosperous, adventurous, joyful, exciting and successful New Year : )