Conquer your anxiety and start living your life
I’m an anxious person and the older I become the worse it seems to get. I worry about things that might never happen. I worry about things I have no control off. I worry about things I shouldn’t worry about because they might not directly impact my life. Unfortunately, anxiety often goes hand in hand with depression. It is difficult to distinguish if anxiety causes depression or if depression causes anxiety. I know from my own struggles with anxiety that life can become overwhelming if anxiety hovers over you like a dark cloud. Anxiety starts controlling every aspect of your life, to a point where any decision you have to make becomes a major struggle. You stop enjoying life because feeling anxious all the time can be emotionally and physically exhausting.
If anxiety has taken over your life here are some tips on how do deal with it.
Focus on what you can do right now instead of things you have no control of
I recently talked to my daughter, who is a senior in college, and she confessed to me that she is anxious about the future. She doesn’t know what she wants to do after college, she is worried that she won’t find a job she likes, or that she won’t earn enough money to pay her student loans. These are legitimate worries, but they stop her from living her life to the fullest. I’m sure most of us would be happy if we could take a glimpse into the future so we can prepare ourselves for what’s to come, or even prevent negative things from happening. Well, worrying about the future is as useless as worrying about the weather; we can’t control it. Take it from a control freak like me. In order to reduce my anxiety I always try to control my surroundings as much as possible because I don’t like bad surprises, but ultimately I stress myself out more trying to be in control instead of accepting life for what it is; unpredictable, mysterious, full of adventure and beautiful moments, but also a constant struggle. Focus on what you can do today and let tomorrow be a mystery.
Don’t put too much emphasis on what other people think about you
I used to worry about what people think of me; if they like me, if they approve of me, if they find me interesting, if they think I’m pretty, if they have fun hanging out with me, etc. When friendships would end my self-esteem would take a hit because I believed I wasn’t worthy of their friendship, which I generalized to other friendships. Worrying about what other people think of you is wasted energy. You are not living your life for them. You choose how to live your life, how to dress, what kind of job you want to do, and what kind of believe-system you want to adopt. If one of your friend’s disapproves of your choices or actions maybe this person is not the right fit for you. So, please stop caring about other peoples’ opinions and start living the life you imagine.
Don’t put too much on your plate (know your limits)
We live in an achievement driven society, which leaves little time for self-care, fun hobbies, socializing, or simply doing nothing. We evaluate our success by how much we can achieve in a 24 hour day; some people even sacrifice sleep. One of the biggest contributors to anxiety can be the simple fact that we have too much on our plates. Do we really need to have so many achievements and goals to feel worthy, confident, successful, and admired? I used to have a lot on my plate, which was mostly my own fault because I was driven by achievements and perfectionism, which led to burnout and increased anxiety/depression. If you prioritize what’s really important to you and let go of unnecessary goals you will have less anxiety and more time to enjoy life. Don’t worry about being the best at your work, losing those pesky last five pounds, or baking cupcakes for your kids’ school party (unless baking makes you happy, if not buy them at the store. Kids don’t care where the cupcakes come from). Don’t spend time with people who drain your positive energy, make time for people who lift you up and bring value to your life. Saying “no” to activities or people that won’t bring you joy is the best way to reduce anxiety. You need to determine what is necessary to survive financially and physically; the rest should be about your own happiness. Cut out the unnecessary commitments and you will feel a burden lifting of your shoulders.
The only true love is self-love
You might disagree and that’s totally ok. There are many reasons why I advocate self-love, one of them is because earning peoples’ love and respect can be exhausting; we pretend to be someone else because we are afraid that we are not worthy of love; we lose our identity. Trying to gain someone’s approval, whether it might be a spouse or a friend, can be anxiety-provoking because you are not true to yourself. When you find someone who accepts you for who you are, with your charming imperfections, then love is a magical thing, but never stop loving the most important person in the world, which is you. Ultimately, you never know how long any person will be in your life (Of course, I want my husband to be in my life forever); the only constant in your life is you!
Don’t listen to your inner critic
Self-doubt is the biggest confidence killer. It is normal to have negative thoughts and sometimes it can be healthy to re-evaluate some of our decisions and actions, but when it leads to anxiety and fear of making mistakes it can keep us from reaching our true potential. As I’m writing this blog post I have negative thoughts myself; what if I’m making a fool of myself trying to help you conquer your anxiety? Why would you want to listen to me? I’m not some famous psychiatrist who has written dozens of self-help books. I quickly shake of my negative thoughts and tell myself that my purpose is not to make everyone love what I have to say, but to share my own experience and hopefully make a difference in someone’s life. Your inner critic doesn’t want you to take risks because you might fail, which can be painful, but without taking risks you will never know what you can discover about yourself and the world you live in.
Of course, there are other ways to deal with anxiety, such as meditation, exercise, journaling, talk-therapy, etc.
I wish you good luck!
You got this : )
