Don’t let Fear Control your Life

 “Fear is the glue that keeps you stuck”  (Author unknown)

Most of us have dreams and aspirations but often we don’t pursue them because fear keeps us from following our passion. When I was younger (actually, before I became a mom) I was a free spirit, untamable in my desire for adventure and new experiences, willing to take risks and not worrying about failure. Unfortunately, the older I become the more I let fear paralyze my decision-making, which often leads to feeling stuck. Can you think of a situation in your life where you feel stuck? Maybe at your job or in a dysfunctional relationship?

I’ve been feeling stuck at my job because fear keeps telling me that the next job could be worse than the one I have right now, which is a very convincing argument to stay in my comfort zone.

Does living in our comfort zone make us happy? I believe it is an illusion we create to make us feel better for letting fear control our lives.

What would you do with your life if fear wouldn’t hold you back? What great opportunities have you missed because you were scared to take the plunge?

“Fear kills more dreams than failure ever will” (Suzy Kassem)

What does living in fear do to us?

• It kills our dreams.

When I was 20, I backpacked around the world, which was the most liberating and exciting experience of my life. Was I scared to travel by myself? Absolutely, but I didn’t let fear keep me from following my dream.

If you have a dream that makes you feel excited and energized, please don’t let your fear kill that dream.

• It robs us of our confidence.

 Our thoughts shape our confidence. Positive and self-loving thoughts nourish and grow our confidence like a fertilizer does for plants. Also, certain life circumstances, such as getting fired from a job or failing to reach a goal, will make our confidence plummet into the abyss of self-doubt.

The longer we let the feelings of self-doubt linger the more it will create fear in us, which makes it difficult to start a new job, create big goals, or follow our dreams.

• It makes it difficult to decide.

When it comes to any life-changing decision, I’m the queen of procrastination. I have such fear of making the wrong decision that I either don’t decide or I spend months ruminating over having to decide. Also, sometimes we wait for the stars to align perfectly believing it is a sign from the universe that we should take on the new endeavor. Well, what life experience taught me is that the stars will never align perfectly. We are the authors of our life story, meaning we are responsible for acting if we want our story to be meaningful and exciting.

• It causes excessive worrying.

Most of us worry, especially when fear paralyzes our rational thought process. Fear is one of those emotions that grip you tightly; it seems impossible to escape the whirlwind of worry, anxiety, and rumination.

Worrying drains you emotionally and mentally, which is a vicious cycle because it fuels your fear and vice versa.

You cannot change in the direction of your desire unless you silence your fear and embrace the unknown.

• It keeps us from growing.

 Our life journey is about creating meaning and purpose, fulfilling our potential, and growing into the person we are meant to be. Along the way, some of us will be dealing with chronic illnesses, obstacles seem to be around every corner, and conflicts with people threaten our emotional well-being. Mental, intellectual, emotional, and spiritual growth provides us with the resilience and wisdom to weather the worst storm.

• We miss opportunities and live with regret.

Living with regret is one of the worst things for our mental health because it bombards us with negative thoughts and sadness. I cannot tell you how many feelings of regret have resurfaced and lingered for a long time. It’s about those missed opportunities, unresolved conflicts with people, and not taking the risk to follow our dreams.

The problem, with most people, is that we dissect every decision leading to decision-making burnout. It’s even worse for people who struggle with anxiety because every decision-making process fuels their anxiety, leaving them emotionally drained.

What can we do to stop fear from controlling our lives?

• Slow down.

We live in a fast-paced world, where productivity is valued more than rest.

Unfortunately, living in the fast lane prevents us from being in tune with our body, mind, and soul. When we slow down, we can listen to our inner voice (intuition), pay attention to our desires, and allow ourselves to dream about new endeavors.

Moving to the slow lane will give you awareness of self-exploration, self-growth, and self-liberation.

• Spend time in nature.

There is something magical about nature, it not only melts away our stress and worries but also helps us think more clearly.

Next time, when you are confronted with something creating fear in you, go for a stroll in nature. The benefits of being in nature are endless, such as lowered anxiety and depression, improved attention and thought processes, increased positive emotions, better mood, more clarity, and energy to pursue our goals.

• Look at new opportunities as something exciting rather than daunting.

It is easy to talk ourselves out of new endeavors, such as looking for a new job or starting a business, because the obstacles are much easier to identify than the opportunity for self-growth. Unfortunately, we let bad experiences cloud our judgment whether it’s time for a change. Look at new opportunities as exciting and intriguing rather than letting your fear make you feel stuck.

• Journal

I’m aware not everyone enjoys, or finds the time, to write in a journal.  Journaling has helped me clear the clutter in my mind, find patterns in my behavior or thinking that make me feel stuck, or tap into my wisdom. If you don’t like journaling, you can also draw, doodle, make a pros and cons list, make a vision board, record your thoughts on your smartphone, meditate, or make a positivity journal/pinboard (add anything that evokes positive emotions such as pictures, quotes, affirmations, etc.).

• Remind yourself what’s important to you.

What is important to everyone will change over a lifetime. In my thirties, it was important to be the best mom I could be, but now as an empty nester, I want to create meaning and purpose in my life, I want to share the wisdom I have gained through hardship and experience, and I want to pursue my passion.

What is important to you right now? Does it require change? Are you willing to overcome your fear to make that change happen?

•      Let go of perfectionism.

 Perfectionism is another way of living in fear because you are afraid of not being accepted and liked by colleagues, friends, or family members; even worse your high standards make it impossible to be worthy of self-love.

Go out there and conquer the world. Don’t let fear be an obstacle to finding your passion, your calling, and your purpose. You got this!

You are worthy of living the life you imagine 😊