A friend of mine recently moved back to Germany (my home country), after living in one of the most beautiful places in the world, Cannes France, where the rich and famous sunbathe on their stunningly expensive yachts…..who wouldn’t want to live there? ; )

I noticed my friend was constantly complaining about the bad weather in Germany; his discontentment was very strong, which I can emphasize, but I want him to experience joy and happiness even if his current life situation is not what he hoped for.

It is human nature to strive for goals or material things that we believe will make us feel content, successful, and happy. What happens when we don’t reach our goals, don’t get the desired promotion, or drive the car of our dreams? ……a red Porsche for me ; )

Being in a constant state of discontentment makes us feel restless, unhappy, and frustrated. Furthermore, we harshly criticize ourselves for not being smart or hard-working enough to live the life we desire.

Discontentment is like a wildfire that continues to grow, destroying our self-worth, self-esteem, and happiness.

I have spent most of my life in a state of discontent. Germany is too cold, Vegas is too hot, I don’t like my job, I don’t feel accomplished or successful enough, and my bank account looks barren like the desert I live in…..well, you get the point. Instead of focusing on the things I don’t have, I embarked on a journey of appreciating and loving what I have.

How can we create more contentment if our life is not exactly how we envisioned it?

• Get rid of idealistic standards.

There is nothing wrong with wanting what we desire and striving for a better life. The problem with idealistic standards is that we often can’t live up to them, which leaves us disappointed, defeated, and ashamed. I often ask myself where our, often unrealistic, standards come from anyway. We were not born with them because as children we were content with simple things, such as finding a four-leaf clover and excitedly bringing it home to our parents. I’m not advocating getting rid of our standards but I’m proposing to re-evaluate if they serve a good purpose or if they make us feel like losers because we can’t live up to them.

• Find the silver lining.

Every situation, as bad as it seems, has a silver lining. Often, we are not able to see it because we focus too much on the problem/misfortune rather than the opportunities that might arise from the situation. When I find myself bored or frustrated at work, I think about how lovely my co-workers are, and that I’m allowed to listen to podcasts and audiobooks, which inspire me for my future blog posts : )

• Change your perspective.

The view from the top of the mountain is indeed more magnificent than from the bottom of the mountain, but we can’t always make it to the top of the mountain. So, instead of always looking up, and thinking about what you haven’t accomplished yet, change your perspective, and notice the things around you. Often, we fail to notice the little accomplishments because we spend too much time focusing on the big goal. Ultimately, reaching our desired goals does not lead to contentment because we constantly must chase new goals to feel accomplished and happy. Enjoy the process rather than waiting for the end goal.

• Don’t judge yourself.

Self-judgment is toxic to our self-esteem. Why are we so harsh to ourselves but extend kindness to strangers?

When we judge ourselves, we chip away at our self-worth and self-love. Negative self-talk can spiral down to depression and self-sabotaging behavior. If we practice self-compassion, we are more likely to bounce back from failures and setbacks. Also, self-compassion helps us create more realistic standards. Honestly, do you really need to look smoking hot in a bikini to have fun at the beach? That’s a NO!

• Count your blessings.

During my painful journey of recovering from an accident, and not being able to walk for months, I started a morning routine that prevented me from falling into a deep depression. The minute I wake up I say, “Good morning universe, I love you.” I try to think about things that I’m grateful for….some mornings I can only think about coffee…lol….It’s not about how many things you are grateful for but about the practice of counting your blessings so you can start your day in a more positive and hopeful way. Sometimes, you must surrender to the universe and trust that this too shall pass!

• Is the quest for self-improvement beneficial to your happiness?

Shauna Shapiro, an expert on the power of mindfulness, said “We must change our mindset from self-improvement to self-liberation.”  I had a profound epiphany; years of trying to improve myself didn’t give me more confidence or elevate my happiness. It had the opposite effect. The more I worked on self-improvement the more I became frustrated when I couldn’t achieve the ideal picture of myself. That’s why I love what Shauna said about self-liberation: liberating ourselves from high standards so we can truly be who we are meant to be, even if it’s messy and not up to par with society’s expectations.

I hope you will find contentment wherever you are in life, that you can experience joy during pain and hardship, and that you practice self-compassion and gratitude every day.

I’m sending love your way : )